Recently, I've had to come to terms with certain things. This past year has held a lot of growth for me as a person, and I've changed a bit. Not in ways I've expected, but in ways that have made me really damn happy.
1. I'm okay with being a quitter. - You know that stupid-ass phrase "Quitters never win and winners never quit!"? Bullshit. Complete and utter bullshit. Only since I have realized the power and joy that can come from quitting have I truly become not a complete horror to be around.
2. I've begun to stop caring about "success" as a writer. - I got myself way too caught up in what would make me "well known", what would get me "recognized", what journals would be "good for my career". Ugh. Talk about needing an attitude adjustment. Thank Ganesha I've adjusted that crap. I'm a poet now. Which means I write poems. Period.
3. I really suck at blogging. - I don't update enough, I write whole entries and delete them, I don't comment enough on other people's blogs. Oh well. I'm not saying I'm abandoning this blog completely, but I've completely stopped stressing about when was the last time I updated. I really enjoyed writing the short chapbook reviews, and I'll probably do some more of those soon, but I also want to write longer reviews of a couple particular books, and sometimes when I'm exercising I really want to chatter at my husband. And that's cool.
4. That husband guy I mentioned is actually kind of important. - And by that, I mean really important. And by that I mean that he's the most important person in my life, tied with my son. He deserves my love, my time, my attention, and my care. I really wasn't giving him nearly enough of that. Now I am, and it's awesome.
5. I'm a very spiritual person, and yeah I'm a little new age-y. It's cool. - Up until about the second grade I just believed that reincarnation was what happened. I didn't question it at all until my parents took me to church and they told me I was wrong. That screwed up my world view for years. Then I became friends with a number of people who thought that all spirituality was weakness/a crutch. Now I'm more or less back to where I was when I was little, and I'm much happier. I believe in reincarnation. I love Ganesha. I don't meditate in the traditional sense but I treat writing poetry as communion. I think your cat might be enlightened.
So I'm happier now, I'm less stressed now, my relationships with my husband and with my son are stronger now, and I'm a poet. This pleases me.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
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