Recently, I've had to come to terms with certain things. This past year has held a lot of growth for me as a person, and I've changed a bit. Not in ways I've expected, but in ways that have made me really damn happy.
1. I'm okay with being a quitter. - You know that stupid-ass phrase "Quitters never win and winners never quit!"? Bullshit. Complete and utter bullshit. Only since I have realized the power and joy that can come from quitting have I truly become not a complete horror to be around.
2. I've begun to stop caring about "success" as a writer. - I got myself way too caught up in what would make me "well known", what would get me "recognized", what journals would be "good for my career". Ugh. Talk about needing an attitude adjustment. Thank Ganesha I've adjusted that crap. I'm a poet now. Which means I write poems. Period.
3. I really suck at blogging. - I don't update enough, I write whole entries and delete them, I don't comment enough on other people's blogs. Oh well. I'm not saying I'm abandoning this blog completely, but I've completely stopped stressing about when was the last time I updated. I really enjoyed writing the short chapbook reviews, and I'll probably do some more of those soon, but I also want to write longer reviews of a couple particular books, and sometimes when I'm exercising I really want to chatter at my husband. And that's cool.
4. That husband guy I mentioned is actually kind of important. - And by that, I mean really important. And by that I mean that he's the most important person in my life, tied with my son. He deserves my love, my time, my attention, and my care. I really wasn't giving him nearly enough of that. Now I am, and it's awesome.
5. I'm a very spiritual person, and yeah I'm a little new age-y. It's cool. - Up until about the second grade I just believed that reincarnation was what happened. I didn't question it at all until my parents took me to church and they told me I was wrong. That screwed up my world view for years. Then I became friends with a number of people who thought that all spirituality was weakness/a crutch. Now I'm more or less back to where I was when I was little, and I'm much happier. I believe in reincarnation. I love Ganesha. I don't meditate in the traditional sense but I treat writing poetry as communion. I think your cat might be enlightened.
So I'm happier now, I'm less stressed now, my relationships with my husband and with my son are stronger now, and I'm a poet. This pleases me.
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3 comments:
Margaret, I agree. Poets write poems. That's pretty much it.
At my last job interview (for something not even remotely creative, btw) I was asked: "Why do you want this job?" And I said: "Because while being a writer is a great way to make a life, it's not a very good way to make a living."
I think we're all just trying to make a life, in whatever way we find meaningful.
I had a poet/teacher tell us that it's very easy (and heartbreaking) to get so caught up in the publishing world that it's easy to forget to write. He warned us not to let that happen. I try to think about his advice when I send my material out in the world.
P.S. (Can one have a p.s. on a blog comment?) Is Weave going to be at Pittsburgh's small press festival?
Wow--I just found this particular post and it's wonderful, wise, and affirming. I struggle with these same details, and then I don't write when I do have the time. I've been coming to terms with the same details, and its so great to read this, Margaret. Thank you for posting it.
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